A Contributing Testimony for “WOMEN SHARE MOVEMENT (Women on a Mission)”

In 1988, as a newly divorced mother with two little babies both still in diapers, my life was beginning a new chapter with responsibilities and adjustments in my life.

Yes, it was a time when everything looked bleaker than bleak.  Yet, I made a decision to sever a marriage I was unwilling to reconcile.  I had a hard heart with a stubborn mind and was determined to follow through with that decision and mindset of going through all the steps to salvage the marriage mandated in a divorce process.  Nonetheless, I knew my life ahead was not going to be easy, as it was my choice to have that unforgiving heart.  Recognizing that the divorce became final, I then had to actually go through the day-to-day routine for a single parent that became a reality.

There was no such thing as coordinating the drop-off or picking-up of the children.  There was no such thing as sharing in the purchase or stocking of children’s care necessities in supply at home.  There was no such thing as sharing in the decisions for their schools, responsibilities of when they were sick or when parental attendance or participation was necessary for their events or extracurricular activities.  There was no such thing as having a home to go to at the end of the day that would be with the comforts in having the ideal traditional family consisting of father, mother and children all together.   There was no such thing as having a husband that was intended to be the father, husband and leader for the family.  I was all alone.

Handling those major changes, and being a mother working a full-time job included much driving as part of my daily routine.  I felt embarrassed that I became a statistic, and had to face the reality of having a failed marriage.  Those times spent on the road driving, however, were spent with much thinking and planning with respect to my new set of circumstances.

In recognizing that much uncertainty was ahead, I believe that God knew I was at that point when I finally would be willing and ready to listen to Him. As a stubborn-minded person that I can be at times, I saw myself stripped of the comforts I had in exchange for the struggling and incomplete picture-perfect-family image.

Although I was one who had attended church when I was younger, I knew of God, yet I did not really know or understand anything about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  My upbringing was to always understand that God was there but could never comprehend the importance or the necessity of the Christian essentials.

As humbling as it was, as I look back on those years now, I can see how God was able to get my attention through my circumstances by using a local radio station here in Honolulu, Hawaii, KLHT Radio 1040AM, to come into and be a part of my life.  Having a solitude life with much time spent travelling on long drives were materials that God used in my life that became fertile ground to start my new growth as a believer in Jesus Christ.

I did not know, nor did I understand as to what kind or type of radio station that I was listening. Although I had no clue that it was with Christian teachings with praise and worship music, God knew how to touch my heart and speak to me through that radio station.  Through those scheduled programs that I was able to hear through God’s divine timing, my heart became softened and found myself receiving Jesus as Lord and Savior and wanting to learn more.  In a way, the void that was the result of emptiness with a divorce and a hardened heart full of stubbornness was replaced with an addiction to desiring more of the things of the Lord.  It seemed like everything I could listen to made sense and in a way I could understand as how Jesus simply taught the little children.  As even the little children wanted to be close to Jesus, He told them in Mark 10:14:

Let the children come to me! Don’t try to stop them. People who are like these little children belong to the kingdom of God.

With a new status in life, and being like a child or new creation in Christ, my new life had sprouted with an appetite that I now cannot imagine to be without.  With all things new, and the slate clean and forgiven of the wrongs of the past, how can one go back to a lost and broken life instead of going forward and follow Christ instead who watches, takes care and leads as our Shepherd?

All I knew was to grow forward immersing myself in listening to various messages, recorded teachings, by reading the Bible, being around other believers and to keep my radio tuned to KLHT Radio 1040AM whether I was in the car or at home and kept it on at home at all times 24/7.  Having that on at all times of the day and night allowed my ears to hear words and music as to how God wanted to speak and comfort me in whatever the situation may be.  He knew that I would be drawn to hearing programs at divinely appointed times that I would readily receive at those specific time periods.

After knowing I had that insatiable desire for Christ from all what I have heard and learned, I knew I had to find and start going to a church with my children.  I knew that God was allowing me to grow in Him, yet I had to find someplace where I could be among other believers.  I knew I could not grow in the same kind of church that I attended while I was growing up, and was looking for one that I could understand with simple and clear teachings.  After all, the Bible does teach us in Hebrews 10:25:

Some people have gotten out of the habit of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of the Lord’s coming is getting closer.

Naturally, I could see God speaking to me directly using various means.  Over the years, life as a divorced, single parent consisting of many of life’s challenges comes with learning and understanding that God can get a hold of me and speaks personally in whatever way He chooses and knows in order to get my attention.

And after asking and receiving Jesus Christ to be in my life, there is newly found hope for a new beginning as a new creation with a new life.  Although the divorce took place many years ago, I can say that my husband is my maker and therefore I am not ever alone.  Isaiah 54:5 reads:

Your husband is your Maker.  His name is the Lord of Armies.  Your defender is the Holy One of Israel.  He is called the God of the whole earth.

It does not matter what had happened in the past like careless decisions that were made.  Ephesians 2:1 says:

In the past you were spiritually dead because of your sins and the things you did against God.

Since my new life as a believer and regardless of whatever the challenge had been in the past, currently experiencing or will take place in the future, I see it amazing that God wants to speak to anyone who desires and is ready and willing to hear Him too.  He is always ready and will always be there.  Mark 4:23 states:

 If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.      

Does anyone want to start afresh and is willing or want to hear and receive Him too?  All you have to do is speak to Him directly by saying the sinner’s prayer:

Dear God, I know that I am a sinner and have done bad things. I know that you sent Jesus to save me, and that He died on the cross to take the punishment for my sins. I know that Jesus rose from the dead and is coming back someday. Please forgive me of all of my sins, and come into my life and change me. Please guide me in my life and help me to follow you for the rest of my life. Thank you for saving me and taking me to heaven when I die.

In Jesus’  Name, Amen.

After sincerely praying those words and inviting Jesus into your life, I congratulate and welcome you into God’s family too.  If not here on Earth that we shall meet, I look forward to meeting you personally in our eternal home with Him in heaven.

Remember though, as you entered through those double doors of divorce and single-parenting, and although it may seem that there may be periods during the course of this journey when you may feel alone and think no one  cares, there is and there always will be the One and Only who stands at the door and knocks.  He will be your strength when you think you are alone and weak.

May you have a wonderful and blessed day.  Please comment, re-tweet would appreciate your sharing with others as well.


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18 Comments to “So, Where Is Your Strength? — Entering The Double Doors Of Divorce And Single-Parenting”

  1. Harv Whitman says:

    Hi Nelly, You have a very good testimony, I wish you the best God has to offer. My wife lost her husband to a heart attack and was left with two boys 5 and 10. I lost my wife to prescription pain meds. To make a long story short, I met my wife at church. God brought us together, and gave us a life of love. Be faithful, God will give you what you deserve. Blessings and kindest regards, Harv Whitman

  2. Harv Whitman says:

    I wanted to add that my wife raised 2 wonderful boys alone before we met. Ons is now in the military and the other is an ordained minister.
    FYI it’s hard to write here and edit.
    We are truly blessed.

  3. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Thanks Harv,

    I really appreciate your comments and know there are many out there that do have a difficult time with changes like this. I know there are so many people out there that are hurting and this is partly the reason why I had been told by and asked by others to share my testimony in order to be able to minister to them.

    I am so glad that God brought you and your wife together and through it all, He does watch over all.

    Blessings and Aloha!

  4. mobolaji says:

    Thanks for sharing your testimony,Nelly.Though i am still young and single,i was raised along with my siblings solely by my mum when my father got married to another woman and left us in the cold.My mother was a single mum and i guessed she was able to raised us well because she has a very good relationship with God.She also pass her unwavering faith in God to us all which i would always be grateful for.
    Nice post!

  5. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Thank you Mobolaji for sharing here. As there are so many single parents out there who may find that role to be an overwhelming adjustment of reality, there is always hope and strength to help carry onward that can only be provided by the Only One who is faithful, righteous and true. Thanks for sharing your own experience and can see from that as to how God was watching over your mother and allowed all of you to be cared for with whatever provisions were necessary.

    Blessings and Aloha to you!

  6. olabiyi says:

    Nelly yours is a great testimony. I have been married for almost 16yrs, its been tough, my husband is the abusive type (beats me at any slight provocation) abandons Me and my 3 Kids anytime he wants n comes back when he feels like. He told me 2yrs ago he has 3 other kids by 2 different women. Well I eventually got out because I cuouldnt take the beating anymore. He doesn’t accept that he is wrong. Still he insults and threaten me, my mind is made up. I only want my kids cos he’s telling them tales about me. I need God now more than Eva.

  7. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Olabiyi,

    Sorry to hear what you had to go through and know that I am sure there are many who have gone through what you have experienced. Although our circumstances are totally different, the fact of being divorced and having the responsibility of being a single parent is not impossible and can be done when we look to Jesus to be our source and strength to whom we can place our hope and trust. I am sure with the common situation that you described, ambivalence is encountered by many in making any kind of decision. Even as mine was more of having that hardened heart and stubbornness, God had to allow brokenness to occur before I was ready and willing for Him to do a work in me. And when we do make that decision to follow Him, He does lead, guide and provide.

    Blessings and Aloha to you!

  8. Karla Campos says:

    Hi Nelly, divorcing someone does not mean you have an unforgiving heart. On the contrary it means that you forgive and care about the person enough to let them go and have a happy life and that you love yourself enough to want a happy life too. Much love to you!

  9. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Karla,

    Thanks for commenting here. Looking back at that time, my heart was very hard and was unable to reason it any other way except for what I already set in my mind to be determined that way . I wanted it to be finalized and would not listen to having it any other way to reconcile. I was not a believing Christian at that time, and perhaps may have looked at it differently if I my heart was softened to reason. Water under the bridge now, and see how all things do work together for good, and now I have the Lord in my life.

    Blessings and Aloha!

  10. Jayne Kopp says:

    Hi Nelly, wow what a wonderful testimony.

    Our stories have their similarities… stubborn, unwillingness to reconcile, etc. I unfortunately had back slidden at the time of my divorce.

    With that said, I never did lose my faith, and once I got through the stupidity and became grounded again, things, thankfully fall into place.

    I believe we have to stay close to our faith. I would rather walk the path in faith than all alone for sure. The best part is it costs nothing.

    Thanks again. Wonderful.


  11. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Jayne

    Thanks for commenting and seeing that you are able relate to some of what I had written here. Although some of our certain similarities can be qualities that can be helpful in being firm if we are standing for the Lord, it can also be held negatively whenever we hold our positions to stand on what we ourselves may insist, rather than being open to surrender what God desires is best.

    Just as we do sometimes make those impulsively wrong decisions through life’s journey, He can turn our lives around when we finally are able to listen.

    Blessings to you Jayne!

  12. Allen says:

    That is a very inspiring post Nelly. Currently, I have a problem that almost made me feel hopeless. I am thankful to God for providing me strength and giving me assurance that things are going to be okay. I have been facing trials after trials yet I am less afraid since I know God is with me.

  13. Felicia says:

    Hi Nelly,
    This is my first time on your site. I may not have experienced being a single mom or being raised by single parents, but I can understand what the hardships that you and other people with similar situations go through. Some of my friends grew up with single parents, but they said it’s better to be like that rather than living under a roof with a mom and dad who does not care about you and even hurt you (domestic violence).
    Thanks for sharing this nice post with us! Godspeed.

  14. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Allen,

    Thanks for visiting here and sharing your comments. Sometimes when we are to the point where we feel like there is absolutely nothing we can do with our means or understanding, that is exactly where He wants us to be in order for Him to be able to totally lean on and listen to Him. When we are the weakest, that is where He can be strongest.

    Blessings and Aloha to you!

  15. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Felicia,

    Thanks for coming by to visit here and sharing your thoughts. Yes, it seems like the numbers of single parents have dramatically increased over the years and indeed can be quite a challenge. Although it may and can be very difficult for many, knowing what He promises us can allow the impossible to become possible when we invite Him to be our Shepherd who promises to take care of us. We love Him because He first loved us.


  16. Maria says:

    I am glad you are showing a lot of faith Nelly. I can imagine how hard it is for you, having to do all those responsibilities on your own. Continue to have faith in God and I things will turn out well.

  17. Nelly Paekukui says:

    Hi Maria,
    Thank you for dropping by and appreciate your commenting. Sometimes those difficult times can be viewed as a blessing that did help to mold me and build my faith on dependence upon Him, and Him alone. When we sometimes think we’re alone, He gets our undivided attention.
    Blessings and Aloha to you!

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